I'm an insecure person in general, but one specific area of my life seems to wilt under insecurity more than others.
Growing up I legitimately tried everything. Despite being pretty athletically challenged, I put on knee pads and became a volleyball player. A few years later, I tucked my hair under mult-colored pre-wrap and pretended I knew how to dribble a basketball (I didn't guys, it was laughable). I played the saxophone because the cute boy in 5th grade played saxophone. I performed in musicals and learned to be a mediocre ballerina. I took a swing at student council and tried to learn to sew (still can't by the way). I switched my major a few times and (almost) 4 years post-graduation (HOLY COW HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE), I do nothing pertaining to my Speech and Hearing Science degree.
For awhile I felt a lot of shame for not having a "thing." I so desperately wanted to be good at something. For people to recognize me as the girl with the beautiful voice or the great sense of style. The girl who runs marathons or the girl who knows all the good coffee shops in Columbus (I do, by the way). I wanted one job where people recognized me and I could find consistency in my life.
"That Whitney girl is an amazing basketball player" (said no one ever) but I wanted that. "That Whitney girl is a beautiful dancer (again, said no one ever)." I wanted to be "known" for "something."
I spent a lot of time searching for my thing until it culminated into a pit of shame about a year ago.
I wanted to take a step of faith and start working for 2 nonprofits instead of one, but I didn't. I couldn't. I was scared and unsure and didn't want people to think I was flakey. I got input from countless people and despite them giving me freedom to work in 2 spaces, I felt like something was deeply wrong with me. I HAD to have a thing, I HAD to figure out who I was or people wouldn't trust me. I wasn't a REAL adult unless I had a thing.
Fast forward to June 2017, I currently work with two amazing organizations + I recently launched my own business (something I always wanted to do, but was too scared). It's funny because somewhere over the past few months, Jesus released me of the shame and pressure I felt to fit in a box.
I love what I do and I love having my hand in so many projects. Not having one single "thing" presents its own challenges, but this lifestyle fits me better. I love the variety in my schedule and helping people wherever they are, not just in one space. Truly, I thrive having multiple goals to process.
So here's the deal folks, I am not a basketball player or a Speech Pathologist. I never learned to read music and I'm still deathly afraid of bikes. I'm 25 years old, I have a college degree, but I have 3 jobs. THREE AMAZING jobs that fit me and allow me to glorify God in the unique way he's created me.
I want to encourage you, wherever you are, you're enough. Exactly where you are. With all your interests and passions. Whether you work a 9-5 or juggle school + 3429843 other things, it's ok. Give yourself the grace and freedom to love the space you're in. God is good, folks. He knows us too well.