Forgive Me.

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Dear God, forgive me.
Forgive me for wanting to be her- for scrolling through Instagram admiring her poses, captions, and likes. Forgive me for coveting empty cyber-likes.
God forgive me for letting my insecurities control me. For staying silent when I should speak up because I’m afraid of what they’ll think of me. Those same insecurities that don’t let me celebrate her achievements. I am so broken, Lord forgive me.
God forgive me for my lack of faith. For not believing you could use me.
God forgive me for believing you don’t want me, that there’s no way on this planet you chose me.
Forgive me for doubting you, for thinking you couldn’t raise the support. I see now that you can. And you will.
Forgive me for thinking too highly of myself. I'm really not that impressive.
Forgive me for my discontentment, for always wanting more, craving more.
God forgive me for being stingy with my time, for filling my calendar with tasks that give me value instead of filling time with you.
Forgive me for putting my hope in people, for valuing their opinion more than yours.
Forgive me for the way I treat my body- the way I curse and shame and judge the body you created.
God forgive me for my cynicism, for not believing the best about people, especially her.
God forgive me for my fear, for cowering under Netflix binges instead of taking steps into the unknown.
Forgive me for believing my life is my own. It's not. I know it's not.
I am undeniably broken. Lord, forgive me.