God gave me a pretty great boyfriend. I could brag about him for awhile, but at the risk of sounding cheesy, I'll spare you.
Like I said, he's pretty great, but oh-so different from me. I'm a bit of a spaz (think Leslie Knope from Parks & Rec spastic); whereas he is the definition of laid back. Few things get him "fired up."
For example, last weekend we drove to the mall. My only responsibility was to drive safely; seems simple enough. But somehow I managed to turn driving in a straight line into 20 minutes of tears, questionable language, and terror. In the passengers seat, Steve patiently talked to his friend on the phone (who thought we were dying based off of my frantic shouts at passing cars), calmly navigated me to our destination, and reminded me that we were safe. He's eerily calm sometimes.
The past week has been rough for me. I haven't handled the stress of moving to Colorado for the summer exceptionally well. I've made a lot of lists, shed a few tears, and grumpily taken my anxiety out on Steve (I'm sure you're all wondering how Steve puts up with me, believe me, I ask that question daily).
Yesterday I was at the end of my rope. I left my weekly counseling appointment frustrated, worn-out, and angry with God.
To my frustration, Steve constructed an encouraging message filled with kind words and offering support in any way he could. He ended his message with four of my least favorite words: "it will be okay."
I responded pretty immaturely (and in a very sassy tone), "I know it will be okay, but FORTHELOVE AT WHAT COST?!?"
He once again, responded well and simply said, "what do you mean, dear?"
I was pretty annoyed because I don't like being challenged. I don't like it when my frustrations and responses are called into question.
Instead of answering, I changed the subject and this morning spent time with Jesus pushing into our short conversation.
The Lord revealed this to me, I believe everything will ultimately be okay, but I believe the lie that everything will only be okay if I have control.
When Steven says, "it will be okay" he truly means it. He believes that everything will genuinely unfold perfectly, because of who God is, not because of anything he can do. This is such a challenging thought to me. Am I trusting God to work things out or am I trusting myself (my broken, sinful, impatient self)?
The Lord is funny sometimes, using four words from my sweet boyfriend to remind me that He's got me covered. Even if I don't finish packing (more like cramming my entire wardrobe into 3 suitcases and somehow fitting it into my mom's car), it will be okay. Because of who God is. He will sustain me, carry me through, and remain constant. Even if my recent AdvoCare order doesn't sell and I'm left with piles of products, He will provide. Because He is my provider, my sustainer. Even if my bigger questions, the hard ones that caused me to leave counseling numb and anxious never get answered, Paul, in Philippians reminds me of this:
"And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you (notice HE, not Whitney, beginning a good work) will bring it to completion (again, HE will bring it to completion, not me) at the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6
My worrying doesn't complete anything. It doesn't aid in checking things off of my to-do lists or wrestling my fears out with God. Instead it leaves me grumpy and anxious, sheepishly coming back to The Lord after I once again get to the end of myself. My friends, rest in this sweet truth, it will be okay, because of who He is, not because of what you're doing.