[Original post date: March 2014]
I’m the queen of buyers remorse. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve purchased something only to return it days later. I’ve gone out of my way to find something wrong with an item in order to convince myself it isn’t worth the money. I’m pretty sure I picked up this habit from my beautiful mother, but regardless of when this routine started, I have issues with committing to a purchase.
Today was hard. Seemingly with every check off of my “To-Do” list I felt lies flood my thoughts. From “you’re disgusting and out of control” when I ate my lunch to “you’re lazy and say stupid things” as I sat down to write this post. I’m telling you, the lies have been out of control.
At some point today, I started to believe the lies. I started to believe that I was disgusting for eating a protein bar and lazy for taking an hour to breathe. It was in this hour that I tearfully started listing everything that was wrong with me.
I told God that I was sorry He “wasted” His grace on me. I was sorry that He “had” to save me. I was sorry that I had too many “defects” and wasn’t worth the high price he “paid” for me. I told Him I wouldn’t blame Him if He wanted to return me.
As I tried to “convince” God to “return” me, I felt Him speak to my soul. He breathed truth into my heart that He loves me in a way I’ve never experienced. He told me there were no receipts when He purchased my salvation. He told me that He paid for me, His creation, something that was already His, with His own blood. He paid this price so that I may never question His love for me.
My friends, you were bought at an unfathomable high price. God doesn’t see you as an overpriced pair of Nikes, hoping to find something wrong with you so that He can return you and get His money back. Nope. Not happening. He sees you as so valuable and precious beyond words that He proved His love with His life knowing every single “defect” you could ever list. He knew every imperfection, flaw, scuff, scrape, tear, scratch, etc. BEFORE He purchased you. You weren’t bought with a “90-day money-back guarantee.” Rest in this sweet truth, my friends, you are of infinite value and the Lord will NEVER return you.